Wednesday, September 01, 2010

September 1. Bring on the Golden Leaves, so that way I'll quit crying over my long gone summer...

September One.
Today was almost tragically...
I don't know why. But it just was. Lunch was lunch, sitting there snacking and asking "Hey what do you have?" "I don't know my mom packed it"." There were the little side conversations you would have to listen to from the beginning to understand, and were ignored if you didn't know otherwise.
I did my math homework. And hated it.
I went to Art class.
And sat on a stool for an hour and a half, looking at my teacher's laptop screen, starring at Universal print Doc Marten boot.
Literacy: I presented my Personal Poster in front of a class full of sophomores while I silently wondered:
"Do they even know my name?"
Walking home though was what made me really realize how lonely I have been feeling all day.
Walking along the sidewalk, past cliques of people I never thought were real, holding onto my notebook lightly, passing the same accidental "high school love" couple three times. My lunchbox on my hip, bouncing, making me annoyed, and feeling like everyone was secretly laughing at me in their cars. The cars they had the licenses to drive while I walked in my stupidly adorable ivory/blue cheetah flats wishing I had a car too. Just so I could drive away from here for a little while after all.
Mostly though I just looked at the ground, blanking out, wishing on occasion for my iPod, resulting to singing quietly to myself until a bicyclist passing said "You have a beautiful voice!" to me. That's when I decided to stop singing apparently not so quietly to myself.
All day though I've just book looking out the window; wishing it would rain, or or or something so I wouldn't feel positively guilty about sitting inside on this fine, practically August, day.
I wish the air would chill, and the leaves would turn that beautiful shade of gold that no one knows why they love. Just so I could sit in a swing, listening to my melancholy, unrealistic music and pray for my secret loves and my wants to be granted.
I'm not sad, I'm just...
Mostly though
I just wish something would happen.
Right now: I'm listening to Regina Spektor's Raindrops, loving the fact I finished my homework quickly, and thinking that my mom knows exactly how I feel right now except she's channeling it in the wrong way by telling me she doesn't want to go to the choir meeting because it's beautiful out.

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