Today my dad pointed out to me after reading my blog that to him my writing comes off as artistic (right after he asked me if a Blue Cruiser meant that much to me and asking me who I liked a while ago. I saw that coming the second he wanted to ask me about my blog. I'm ingenious I know.). But he warned me that to other's I come off as "insignificant being" to "determined teen to make a name for herself". Well here's the thing: I'm both. I am an insignificant being who lives in a beautiful town with friends that any one could ask for and a family that may not be perfect but hey, at least we laugh a lot and know that we love each other (no matter how absurd or annoying). I don't have any money to my name except for the money I can't spend and want things that are way over my head like a high end camera and a wardrobe only teenagers who haven't realized there's a recession have. I'm insignificant because no one but my loved ones know me, and I'm just like everyone else but with a different body and state of mind.
But I still want so much more: to be a best-selling novelist whose name pops out at you on the New York Times Best Seller's List, that wardrobe I mentioned earlier, a dream life, to achieve more than any one's really thought I could is kind of hard to imagine for you maybe, but for me it's more like "if you even think of telling me that I can't do this, I can guarantee you I'm going to prove you dead wrong". It's like that saying, "There is no try, there is only will."
Yet every time I tell someone this, or think about the life ahead, I'm no different than most of the people I know. They all want a real name that will leave it's true mark on the world and will stay here long after we've all gone. Sometimes I get scared to think that I may not be able to leave that name, my name, behind. Which is why I'm as determined as ever to write a novel worth the world's attention and make sure I get through high school with the biggest smile on my face.
So there you have it: I'm an insignificant teenager who does not like the thought of being insignificant. Pretty simple. I could describe myself with a lot of words to try and help you understand, but quite frankly I don't know if I'll even understand. I guess one of those words I would use would be confused...
Honestly I don't know. The only way I could describe who I am is by you meeting me in person and that's certainly not going to happen. Read what I write though; that's probably you're best chance.
But if you miss that chance then here's the best explanation I can give you:
I am a writer. I write what comes to mind. I write my ideas and what I'm thinking. I write about girls my age usually going through the same old teenage drama, angst, and charm. I'm a newborn high school Bohemian who is excited (and scared out of her mind) for high school. And life. I love where I live and I love the people I know and I wouldn't change that even if I had the chance. I cry. I laugh. I smile. I make mistakes. I'm confused about little things and big things that make me wonder why I'm troubling over the little things. I get mad at all sorts of things, like an incapable person who doesn't realize they're annoying me or a home run scored by the other team in softball. I get frustrated because sometimes I feel so helpless. And I get scared because I don't know what's going to happen next. sometimes I wish I could run away, sometimes I wish I could live in one moment forever. I go over the details of my mind and life over and over, and I still wouldn't understand. I guess what I'm trying to say is
I'm a Dreamer. A dreamer whose living a life all her own...
and no Dad.
I'm pretty sure people don't think I'm in need of mental help.
And if they do well...
I'm also a 14 year old girl who writes a lot and definitely has a mind of her own, my mentality isn't exactly completely stable yet, so let's not make flash judgements here Kay?
With Love and Confusion (still...)
P.S He also pointed out on one of my OneWord posts from a while back that I said "I never understood psychology any way." Yeah I don't but you know my mother almost got her degree in psychology and you can't imagine the lectures I get when my sister and I get into a fight or whenever I start questioning things in all of my teenager angst. So to all you psychologists out there just wanted to let you know that I'm all set! :)